At one stage in our careers, we have all had to interact with an IT help desk of some sort. You may think of IT folk as geeky, Dungeons and Dragons loving, and altogether strange types, but have you ever wondered what they may think of us, the caller on the other end?

1. The Power User

Ther Power User

The Power user has no issues traversing the IT minefield and picking up on computer jargon. Often techies themselves, they value having a perceived equal on the other end of the line. This user rarely ever calls in, and when they do it’s for reassurances and small talk with their “tech buddy”!

2. The Oracle

The Oracle

Help Desk’s true test of patience, the Oracle always seems to know the answer without knowing the answer. Most suggestions are refuted with an “Already tried that” or “No, I don’t think that’s it.” When the problem is finally resolved, help desk can expect an exasperated “THAT’S what I was telling you all along!”

3. The Fire Starter

The Fire Starter

With the opposite of the Midas Touch, somehow everything this user touches becomes…a smoking desktop, 404 error, deletion of critical files, you name it. The Fire Starter calls in twice a week (or maybe five times), each time with a new but equally bizarre problem. One can’t be sure what qualities make this type of user, but a good help desk is always there to douse the flames.

4. The Susceptible

The Susceptible

No one really knows how or why this user keeps encountering such issues (perhaps it’s the fact they are using their last name as their password?). Unlike the Fire-starter, this user is completely innocent; without doing anything “intentional”, their system keeps getting hacked or going bust. Sweet and understanding, the Susceptible works with the help desk until the problem is solved. Why do bad things happen to good people?

5. The Self Diagnoser

The Self Diagnoser

The same type to tell their doctor that they have The Black Plague because WebMD told them so, this user believes Google is the answer to everything. They call in even though they already “know” what the problem is, often sending the help desk down the wrong rabbit hole. They’re right about one in a hundred times, but that’s just enough to keep them going!

6. The Paranoid

The Paranoid

You can find this user standing outside the White House with a massive ‘Big Brother is Watching’ sign during their lunch hour. Their distrust of all things internet is astounding, even impressive. But when it comes to setting up their Cloud computing environment, these sentiments can often get in the way. “What is this Cloud and why do they get to store all my stuff?!”

7. The Overwhelmed

The Overwhelmed

A little old fashioned, this user would love to transport back to 1985 to their rolodexes, typewriters, and pagers, but reluctantly concedes the necessity of modern day technology. All this talk of “online” and that thing called the “Cloud” (which they have “never even seen before”) seems to overwhelm them. But have no fear, user, your help desk is here! (And more than happy to explain how to open a new tab).

8. The Stubborn

The Stubborn

A hybrid of Paranoid, The Oracle and Self-diagnoser, the Stubborn is mostly unwilling to cooperate. Despite repeated efforts to explain that rebooting the computer will not wipe out their puppy photoshoot, they remain unconvinced. “I just don’t know about all this reboot business. I think I’m just going to buy a new computer.”

9. The Attorney

The Attorney

This is a special breed of user. The Attorney has little patience for downtime and frivolous things. “Just get it done”, they’ll say, leaving help desk to wonder: Get what done exactly? “Whatever that other firm down the street has, of course.” After a few minutes, the Attorney will say, “I’ve got to go, I’ve wasted enough billing time on this already.”

“Okay, thank you and have a goo-” Click.

10. The Intern

The Intern

Last, but surely least. The bottom of the barrel but somehow one of the biggest moaners, this user can either be the smartest person in the room or--but usually and--the most obnoxious to deal with.

After sending out 4,000 tweets in 5 minutes, the Intern’s laptop crashes.

“Helpdesk, how may I help you?”

“Hey man, my laptop is acting like, real slow and stuff, and err… I need you to like fix it so I can get back to work, man” (“work” meaning watching YouTube videos and Snapchatting friends).

Do you want to know why your computer isn’t working, Intern? Because they gave you the worst one in the office!

Would you happen to identify with any of these user types? (c’mon… even just a little?)

Authors:
Jason Goldstein (The Intern)
Daniel Clarke (The Attorney, Power User, and Self Diagnoser)
Jennifer Klein (The Paranoid and Susceptible)
Wailoon Chan (The Unicorn user-uncategorized)